so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize