just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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