john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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