I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
