i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
