so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
