Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
