I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
