why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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