you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
