Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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