Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
