Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
