member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize