Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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