You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
