omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
