This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
