I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
