you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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