Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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