I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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