Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
