do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry about my life...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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