these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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