There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
