As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
