Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
