My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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