Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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