He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't deserve a penis
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize