he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
