What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
