Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
