i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This house was built for laser tag.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
