So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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