The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
