This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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