well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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