i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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