Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
