Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
