i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
