She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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