"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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