broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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