When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
