I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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