RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
