I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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