Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
