God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
