okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
