i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
