life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
