I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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