Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
