I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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