I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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