Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
