i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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