I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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