I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
