how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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