I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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